New Secular Parents Group

One of the hard things about bring up your children with no religion or leaving them to figure it out for themselves as they got older, is that it can leave them with out a sense of community which other children may experience.

Also due to how our communities are still often arranged around parish lines it can happen that children don’t meet and get to know other children who have no religion. Getting to be be around other kids for whom this is the norm is a good thing. It means they know they are not alone or that weird and there are other families like theirs who don’t go to church, temple, mosque or meeting hall.

My own kids have no religion, they both currently self ID as agnostic. They were the first children ever enrolled in their school with no stated religion. Back then over 10 years ago there were no Educate Together schools close enough to make it an option. There are still too few Educate Together schools but it’s changing, but there are still challenges esp as such children move into secondary school.

It is great to see more parents working for change and supporting each other.
One of these initiatives is the Secular Parents Group. They are aiming to connect families, so parents can share with each other and run events were kids can meet other kids like them.

Their first event is coming up shortly.

 

Another XCase Date, 21 years on and still no legislation.

http://www.thejournal.ie/twenty-years-on-a-timeline-of-the-x-case-347359-Feb2012/

6 February 1992: X and her parents traveled to England and arrangements were made for an abortion to take place in London. On the same date, the Attorney General obtained an interim injunction stopping the teenager and her parents from leaving the country or arranging the termination of the pregnancy. Once they were informed of the injunction the family returned to Ireland.

The AG’s order was based on Article 40.3.3 of the Constitution, more specifically on the 1983 amendment that puts the right of the unborn child’s right to life on an equal footing of the mother’s right to life.

Whelen has since said that he had no choice but to seek the injunction as he had a duty to uphold the Constitution. He told an RTÉ documentary that his problem was “stark” after being contacted by the DPP.

This weeks has been filled so far with the abuses of women and children by the state and the church, be it children in industrial schools, children abused by priests, children put up for adoption who can not never find out their parent’s names, women put into laundries and used as slave labour or women driven abroad to have children and to have them adopted.

We have had 90 year of being our own country and honestly it seems to be little more then a litany of abusing and ignoring those who need compassion and care.

We still have people who are being mistreated in asylum holding places, old people’s homes, children’s care homes, and those in care due to disabilities.

In all my born days, despite the struggles watching the Dáil proceedings today, for the first time I find myself wanting to live in a different country.

 

How to accidentally raise a feminist..

http://www.rolereboot.org/family/details/2012-10-how-to-accidentally-raise-a-feminist-daughter

“

If you are committed to feminist parenting, there is no more foundational tenet than ensuring your daughter knows that there is no wrong way to be a girl. The corollary, of course, is also true; for your sons, there is no wrong way to be a boy. Are there wrong ways to be human? Yes, like being a jerk or intentionally hurting people, but attaching your love or respect for your children to gendered assumptions, or to gendered hopes for their future, means that they can fail simply by being themselves.”

 

School code of conduct amended to include ‘cyberbulling’.

We got a note home to day stating that the school’s code of conduct has been amended.
It’s a brave move, not sure how it will be implemented but it’s certainly drawing a line.

Online privacy and code of behavior.

Circulating, publishing or distributing (including on the internet) material associated with school activities including but not limited to material in relation to staff and students were such circulation undermines, humiliates or causes damage to another person is considered a serious breach of school discipline and may result in disciplinary action. As part of such disciplinary action the Board of Management reserves the right to suspend or expel a student or students where it considers the actions to warrant such sanctions.

That is the amendments and then letter goes on further to state.

At this point the Board of Management have ratified it and now staff parents and pupils have been informed that rull will come into effect immediately and will included in our official school Journal when the next set are ordered.

I think it does read to be heavy handed but having heard of some of the incidents which have inspired this, including the Photoshopping of pupils and students I can understand it.

While part of me is thinking of the rights of teenagers, rights come with responsibilities and in my experience the majority of parents don’t know how to teach their child to be responsible online and what is and is not acceptable. The best way to teach kids how to behave is to model that behavior and if parents aren’t doing that online, other people are, and often those other people are their peers and that can be problematic.

Having read the letter, again I am glad neither of my kids have a Facebook account, and long may that last.

 

Wording for the Childern’s Rights Referedum released.

So finally the date has been set, November 10th, a Saturday, and the wording has been announced.

http://www.dcya.gov.ie/viewdoc.asp?DocID=2334&ad=1

Thirty-First Amendment of the Constitution

PROPOSED NEW ARTICLE 42A

Children

The State recognises and affirms the natural and imprescriptible rights of all children and shall, as far as practicable, by its laws protect and vindicate those rights.

1° In exceptional cases, where the parents, regardless of their marital status, fail in their duty towards their children to such extent that the safety or welfare of any of their children is likely to be prejudicially affected, the State as guardian of the common good shall, by proportionate means as provided by law, endeavour to supply the place of the parents, but always with due regard for the natural and imprescriptible rights of the child.

2° Provision shall be made by law for the adoption of any child where the parents have failed for such a period of time as may be prescribed by law in their duty towards the child and where the best interests of the child so require.

Provision shall be made by law for the voluntary placement for adoption and the adoption of any child.

1° Provision shall be made by law that in the resolution of all proceedings -

i brought by the State, as guardian of the common good, for the purpose of preventing the safety and welfare of any child from being prejudicially affected, or

ii concerning the adoption, guardianship or custody of, or access to, any child,
the best interests of the child shall be the paramount consideration.

2° Provision shall be made by law for securing, as far as practicable, that in all proceedings referred to in subsection 1° of this section in respect of any child who is capable of forming his or her own views, the views of the child shall be ascertained and given due weight having regard to the age and maturity of the child

What does this mean?

It means that we are one step closer to being in line with the United Nations Convention of the rights of the child, which was written in 1989 and which we as a sovereign state signed up to in
1990 and ratified in 1992. The rights referred to in the amendment are those listed by in the
UN Convention of the rights of the child which are pretty extensive and you can read through it here.

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/UN_Convention_on_the_Rights_of_the_Child

This referendum and the tackling of the imbalance of the patronage system of schools are part of what has been needed to be done for the last 20 years but previous governments have failed to do them.

So make sure that you can vote by checking http://checktheregister.ie/ and remember that this referendum is on a Saturday November 10th, so no day of school for the kids and hopefully we will have a good turn out.

 

Inspiring quotes needed.

Start of the new year and with it comes the two homework journals.These days they are very swish compared to what I had secondary school. The school my brats attend have opted for the 4Schools.ie’s student journal.
Which their site
http://www.4schools.ie/student-journal
states

The 4Schools.ie’s student journal is a learning focused journal which can be tailored to reflect the unique culture and ethos of your school.

Our standard A5 student journal includes:

A choice of hardback or spiral binding
A choice of five attractive full colour cover designs with your school name and crest overprinted in black
Either 8 or 16 pages of your customised content printed in one colour
A choice of two learning modules
A full colour weekly diary featuring facts, quotes and think-links
16 pages of notes for communication between parent/guardian and school.

It really is a kick ass resource, with inserts on the school rules, parental contact sheet, log tables, maps, info about college courses, all the school polices laid out in it so that they are easily accessible by parent and students. The homework journal which a parent has to sign off once a week is a good way of keeping track for parents, teachers and students. Just above the space for a note from a teacher or parent and the sign off it as an inspirational quotation.

I was flicking through them with my daughter, her first thought was cool and then we noticed a pattern.
Can you spot it?

Thomas Edison, Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Fredrick Nietzsche, Henry Ford,
Mathatma Gandhi, Winston Churchill, Ralp Waldo Emerson, Aristotle, Plato,
Solon, Ernest Hemingway, F Scott Fitzgerald, William Shakespear, Edwin H Cahplin,
Oliver Goldsmith, Jonathon Swift, Henry B Adams, Jermy Collier, Napoleon Bonapart,
Arthur C Clarke, Alber Einstein, Aristotle Onassis, Brian Tracy, Brack Obama,
Franklin D Roosevelt, Napoleon Hill, Alber Camus, Lawrence Peter, Francis Bacon,
French Proverb.

She spotted it before I did. There are 41 term weeks so that is 41 quotes and 1 of them is attributed to a french proverb but the remaining 40 are all men. They range from Plato to Obama, over 2,300 years and not one woman included.

So yes I will be sending a note to the school and to the provider of the journals but we decided we would write in quotations by women along side the quotations by men, I might also send them to the school and provider.

So we are asking for help in compiling a list of suitable quotations, we have a few already, but we need more.

Quotations:

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”
Margaret Mead

“Memories of our lives, of our works and our deeds will continue in others.”
Rosa Parks

“A lot of people are waiting for Martin Luther King or Mahatma Gandhi to come back – but they are gone.
We are it. It is up to us. It is up to you.”
Marian Wright Edelman

“Between saying and doing, many a pair of shoes is worn out.”
Iris Murdoch

So please share with us your favorite inspiring quotes by women.

 

I had to talk to my kids over breakfast about the bombs on a bus in Maynooth and on the LUAS this morning, they were worried about going to school, our friends in Maynooth and family members who work in Dublin city.

WTF this is not the Ireland they know and it is one which I hoped we would never return to.
Those carrying out these pointless terrorist attacks on Irish people need to stop.
NOT IN MY NAME!

 

A slice of life.

It’s funny the challenges that come with having a kid on the spectrum but with them also come victories and hope.

Yesterday as I am swamped with this cold, and my co parent was gone out, I made a list of bits for D to go and get for me at the local shop. It’s only 5 mins away and he is 13; but on the list was something he’s not bought before and would be a challenge for him. Due to his ASD (Aspergers Disorder) I do have to push his comfort levels to get him to do things he’s back out of otherwise.

In this case it was to go to the fresh baked bread display and get one of the Vienna rolls he likes so much. Thinking about it made him nervous, he has in his head all the things which can go wrong and people might be looking at him. This sort of stuff is par for the course with him. He came back with out it, but with everything else on the list, so I was happy enough.

The he said ‘Damnit, Mam can I go back over and get the bread? I failed last time and I really like that bread, so I want to go try and get it again’. I was so proud, of him and even if he didn’t come back with it, the fact he pushed himself to go over and even to pass by the people he just passed by on the road and to see the shop assistants again in such a short space of time is a huge step for him. A year ago the idea that people would think it odd to see him going back over the shop or that they would think he failed and so had to go back was too much for him to bear.

So off he went and he came home with the loaf and after two slices settled down to do his homework. I am so pleased and proud, I know it’s just a loaf of bread but the fact he choose to go back over and did it with no fuss or no prompting means a lot to me, makes me more hopeful for him living a fuller life and not being stuck in the same routine all the time.

My Grand Dad used to say, we don’t own our children, we are entrusted with them for a short time and we teach them their first steps and one day they will walk way from us to their own lives.

I pretty much take the fact that I have to prepare and skill up my kids to be able to walk away and start their own lives independent of me as my mission statement. It was before I knew my son was on the autism spectrum, and it hasn’t changed. Yes it means that it’s more complicated, there are slightly more hurdles and certain things are harder on him and us as a family but days like yesterday give me hope and let’s me know I am getting it right, well at least some of the time.

 

Gaming with your daughter is good for her

http://ingame.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/02/01/5962255-gaming-with-your-daughter-is-good-for-her

By Winda Benedetti

Listen up parents: If you’re not a video game player and your child is, now might be a good time to pick up a game controller and pick up a new pastime.

While many parents worry that letting their children play video games will have a negative impact on them, a new study from Brigham Young University has found that when parents play games with their children — specifically their daughters — it can actually be good for them.

Researchers from BYU’s School of Family Life in Provo, Utah, found that girls who played age-appropriate video games with a parent felt more connected to their families, had fewer mental health issues and fewer problems with aggressive behavior.

And the researchers say this is the first study to show that gaming with an adult can be good for a girl.

For the study, published in Tuesday’s issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health, researchers Sarah Coyne and Laura Padilla-Walker had 287 families with children between 11 and 16 years old complete video game-, behavioral-, and family-related questionnaires. They report:

We found an association between co-playing of video games and lowered internalizing (e.g., depression/anxiety) and aggressive behavior. Furthermore, girls who co-played with their parents reported more prosocial behavior toward family members, which may be a function of higher relationship quality between daughters and parents who co-play. These findings certainly confirm parents’ own views of co-playing, who believe that co-playing would result in positive social and emotional outcomes. Furthermore, they allay fears that co-playing video games results in negative outcomes, at least for girls.

So why the positive impact? According to the article published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, the researchers surmise:

[I]When parents play video games with their daughters, they may be sending a myriad of messages. First, parents may show that they are willing to engage in an activity that is important to daughters. Second, playing video games can represent quality time between a daughter and a parent, especially when such play involves conversation between parent–child.[/I]

As a gamer and parent myself, this all simply makes good sense to me. After all, parents and their children have been playing games together since the dawn of time. Just because a game now appears on a TV, via a sophisticated machine, doesn’t mean it has to be any less of a healthy, positive experience for a family.

But there are a couple of interesting twists in the study’s findings.

The researchers found that playing games with a parent did not have an impact on the behavior or family connection for boys. Compare that to girls, for whom playing with a parent accounted for as much as 20 percent of the variation on the measured outcomes.

The researchers said it’s possible that the time boys play with parents doesn’t stand out as much because they spend much more time playing with friends. The researchers said they plan to explore the reasons behind the gender differences as they continue working on the project.

Something else worth noting: The BYU researchers found that 31 percent of the children reported playing age-inappropriate games with their parents (42 percent of boys, 15 percent of girls) and they report that “heightened parent–child connection was not found for girls who played these age-inappropriate games with their parents.”
[I]
“It is possible that exposure to such inappropriate content may influence both parent and daughter mood and ability to respond to each other,” the researchers write. “Additionally, such games are often very intense and may interfere with conversation or interaction that may lead to heightened levels of connection.”[/I]

And finally, the researchers point out that few of the mothers surveyed played games. So it was really the father/daughter time that was having an impact on the girls.

To that I say: Kudos to dads who play games with their daughters. And to the moms who don’t: Give it a try. It’s a lot of fun and your daughters and sons will love you for caring enough to give gaming a go.

In case you’re wondering, “Mario Kart,” “Super Mario Brothers,” “Wii Sports,” “Rock Band” and “Guitar Hero” were the games played most often by the girls in the study. Meanwhile, boys reported “Call of Duty,” “Wii Sports” and “Halo” as their most-played games.

All of which makes me wonder … parents, which games do you like to play with your sons and daughters? And which games do you think do the best job helping you connect with your kids?

Being a gamer myself I may be sligthly biased but I do think playing with your kids is awesome, for me and mind it’s co op games on the xbox like castlecrashers or being each other’s henchmen in Fable or cardgames like Munchkin or boardgames.

My parents played with us when I was growing up from the atari system to boggle, scrabble, card games endless games of ludo and chess. Some of my best memories are of time spent sitting about playing games and I try to make that happen for my two.

 

MineCraft and my brats.

This has been a huge hit in our house and with a lot of my gamer friends.

Both kids have their own accounts and work together and with others to build, mine and explore. It’s been my daughters first foray into online servers for a pc game and it’s going well. Yes she has discovered asshats but is learning that as with real life if you don’t like how people are playing there comes a point where you walk away.

She has been playing that more then online games for the xbox as chat is the norm on xbox live and she no longer wants to be in a situation where she gets hassle for being a girl and young and playing on xbox live.

This doesn’t happen with Minecraft, both my brats know well how to stay safe online and not to give out info and how to quit any conversation they are not happy with and how to block people who are annoying asshats and to be careful they aren’t the annoying asshat.

Notch/Markus Alexej Persson (the creator of minecraft) currently is the desktop picture on my son’s pc. It seems that he may have replaced Peter Molyneux as the person he wants to be when he grows up. Yes Santa is bringing Fable 3 but the indie start up of Minecraft has certainly captured his imagination and at almost 13 he has already decided that he wants to do Computer Applications in TCD and then the MA in game development in DIT.

Minecraft is giving them both a chance to have control and crate the virtual environments they play in. They have both toyed around with level editors for games, usually race track games but the scope of minecraft is something they keep coming back to.

And they are not alone, they are reading the wikis and sharing knowledge on how to make and create things with others who log on to the sever to share the experience. I guess I have to face up to the fact my kids are pretty much immersed in gaming culture esp when I dragged from the kitchen to
watch this.

Minecraft and country music, my daughter is thrilled and is doing her best to learn all the words, I guess that will join Jonathan Coulton‘s song ‘Still Alive‘ from portals as a sing along in the car song.

I guess I don’t write that much about the types and amount of gaming we do esp as a family, I guess I should. So be warned there will be more posts.